Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.

Everything might be ruined- feel ruined, is ruined....to you. But is it?
I know it isn't the end. Cause if it were, everything would be alright.
I know that things aren't alright- but at least it isn't the end.

I have had many conversations with friends and different walks of life this week. And even though I've been feeling so lost and confused....and no idea where I am right now. At least I am here. Sometimes we need a grounding. Look down at our feet and realize we are standing. And we are here- now. The most powerful moment is the one we are in. And sadly, I haven't even felt in the moment lately. So out of it, I've forgotten to be in it. But the first step is to acknowledge that you realize, your at fault. So you can begin to figure out how to fix it.

I started of with positivity. Is there something in your life that automatically makes you feel happy? For me it's somehow watching the movie "eat pray love". Or looking at this book my sister gave me. And even looking at the painting on my wall. All these things- are me. The true me. The one that is buried underneath all this mess of confusion. So when I see it or feel it or look at it- even if for a moment, it brings me back to a good feeling. And wakes me up. The quotes in "Eat Pray Love", sometimes make me cry even just by hearing them, without even watching the movie. Or bring strong emotion to me right away. This movie touched me so well, it's almost like it's reliving my life every time I watch it and somehow it's always fitting to where I am, and always inspiring. Now that author is a great writer. I thank her so much for sharing her story with the world, so that we could all have an outlet to connect with it. 
Another thing that obviously helps me- is writing. Writing about my battles, is something that helps me get through them. And maybe I reach out to you, and your where I am. And just needed to know your not alone. Sometimes I think maybe were more scared of that- thinking were the only one in the world who is right here right now, by themselves in this moment, feeling this way, but your not. I'm right here too.

I guess the reasoning behind this post- isn't for any set reason. But a work in progress. We all are- I, especially am right now. But hey, I'm working on it. This is not who I am, this confused and unsure person. This does not define me. No one and nothing can. I'm a woman in search of a word. I am sure I will find it- but for now, I am on the road of transforming myself into who I want to become.